I'm not sure if this is inappropriate in this format, but with the mood I'm in, I just don't care. I need to vent. I went to Huntsville Reproductive Medicine early this morning for my usual Day 3 Ultrasound - looking to make sure "it's quiet" in there - I'm surprised they don't see tumbleweeds rolling around on the screen - when the doctor came in at the conclusion of the visit. This was new. And to be honest, I'm not sure what it was he wanted to tell me, other than to confirm that I will begin a 2nd round of Femara today, and that he was encouraged by the way my cycle responded last month. What stands out most to me of this visit;however, is that I started to cry. That is the first time during this whole ordeal (which is officially 10 months of fertility drugs now) that I have really, truly started crying in front of the medical professional who was trying to help me. And even though I am used to crying, this one humiliated me. And after I thought I was handling things so well, too! I left the office feeling like a complete idiot. On the positive side, the doctor believes that I have a few more chances before we go to "heavy daily injectables." I intimated that I wanted to hold off on that for as long as was feasibly possible.
So now, I don't know what else to say. Here we go again, I guess. I feel like I shouldn't be complaining, and that I need to keep faith, but I'm feeling small right now. Hopefully this will have purged this morning from my system and I can move forward.
2 comments:
OH, honey!!! I just read this - somehow missed the new post. I am SO sorry that you're still struggling with this. I assure you that none of the medical professionals in a fertility specialist's office thought you were small or an idiot. I'm sure people cry to them all of the time, and I'm sure they expect no less. What you are going through is so stressful and painful and emotional. I think of you all the time and say a prayer for you guys everytime you pop into my mind. I love you and even though I know you have to be "realistic" in your expectations, know that I'm having enough positive and hopeful feelings for BOTH of us. :) I love you dearly!!!
Saw a flash of you in a random person at church today. (In reality, she looked nothing like you, but there was this moment - a flash...) I stopped that moment and said a prayer for you and Richard. Love you!
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